OT: Job Question OR "Life's too short to be unhappy"

[Nooch]

I've been doing what I do for the last 12 or so years -- since I was in my early twenties. It's a fine job, pays decently, but it's just a job. To say I'm less than satisfied with what I'm doing is an understatement. In addition to this, I wait tables 4-6 shifts a week -- which I actually enjoy doing, enough so that this question keeps knocking me upside the head every so often. I'm convinced that if I could find the right establishment, a step (or two) up in quality/experience than where I'm at now, that I could easily bring in my salary from my primary job -- only issue is I really need to bring in my salary PLUS my part time wages, with a wife and two kids at home.

I can imagine working from 4-midnight (or earlier, at many places) 5-6 nights a week, occasional doubles, etc, but being able to drop the kids off at school, go for a ride in the morning, get stuff done around the house, etc.. More physically intensive, less benefits (if any), no time off, etc, all contribute to the reality check that is, really, that I should stay put and keep the course.

My unhappiness at work stems from a lack of growth opportunity. About 24 months ago I took a position in a group that was supposed to be 'the future' of the company. Myself and one other person moved from legacy software to a new platform to support larger clients, more features, etc... Since then, the company has realized this product isn't going to cut it, it's not scale-able, and subsequently will be phased out. I'll eventually go on the new-new platform, once my clients have either left or gone over to the new product, but I'm stuck feeling really directionless. I'm at the back of the pack (and trust me, I've tried and asked to learn the new software, to be an early adopter, etc, but they don't even want our group touching it until we lose our clients to it). So again, there's just this constant feeling of dissatisfaction doing what I'm doing.

Anyone ever leave a stable desk job to do something they enjoyed more? Maybe I just need to ride more...

[joosttx]

I quit working at 45. Life is great. I am with the kids and riding my bike. Consulting gigs coming up left and right which are easy or hard as you want them. Plus I have more time to focus on dd for investing . For me and my family it has been the best decision of my life. You only live once.

[johnniecakes]

I had a fairly high pressure job, engineering manager for an OEM that exported a lot of large machinery to the far east. After about 4 years of constant emails and phone calls from over seas all night long I decided the juice wasn't worth the squeeze. I found a job with less responsibility and took a large pay cut, about 35K. Best thing I could have done. Everybody in the family is happier. I now have to leave notes on my desk so I know where to pick up at in the morning. I completely forget about work when the car door opens to go home.

[Lewis Moon]

Do what you love. Like this big gawky geek:
https://youtu.be/Av1aGqrLRPM

[cp43]

It sounds to me like the problem isn't the work you're doing, but the company you're doing it for. Would you be happy doing what you do now in a better situation? Are there other (software?) companies in your area? Making that move is probably easier and less disruptive than changing careers completely. If you play your cards right, it may also get you a pay increase. Worth considering, IMHO.

Chris

[Matthew]

Can you make this move without insurance benefits? With a wife and kids you have to have benefits correct? Seems incredibly risky to live without.

[Nooch]

I should clarify -- I do payroll for a living, with a payroll provider. We embraced a platform for payroll that we were using previously for time and labor management, the product I'm on, but it's not taken off. They decided to make the move off our legacy platform to go in a new direction and decreed that the entire client base would be moving to it -- but I'm at the back of the line. I've taken every opportunity to move up (including this one, that ultimately has be feeling like I'm at the back of the pack).

As I stay here longer, I know that I won't be making the increases I once was -- I get paid enough/too much for the work I do as it is, so as years go on I'll see less and less.

I enjoy the work I do as a server -- I enjoy being in the trenches, and I really enjoy that when I leave, I don't have to worry about anything. I went on vacation last week but was checking my email on the tarmac, because my clients are (rightfully) needy and since we're moving to another product, my team is limited (only three others beside myself).

I could try and find work on the other side of the table, doing payroll for a company, but have not had luck to date even getting a call back to a submitted application, and at that fear that my salary might not be sustainable, and unless local would have to leave my current serving gig..

[Nooch]

Originally Posted by Matthew

Can you make this move without insurance benefits? With a wife and kids you have to have benefits correct? Seems incredibly risky to live without.

We're on mine but my wife could also get a family plan from her job, if we were to consider this move..

[johnmdesigner]

I suggest you sit down and take a good hard look at your situation. You have 2 children who will be more expensive than you can possibly imagine. Do you have debt, mortgage?
Nothing wrong in keeping your current job and sending out feelers for a better one.
Also, consider doing some freelance. It often leads to something better and can be a distraction from your full time job.
It sounds to me that you need the full time job for now to maintain some stability. Sometimes you have to bite your lip and put up with it until something better comes along. You are young and it will.

[donevwil]

In '09 I took a 40% pay cut to do what I specifically enjoy (more design, less (no) management) for fewer hours (40) a week, no upward mobility and 4 miles from home. I left a stable desk job of 15 years with a company that wanted me to move up the ladder.

Knowing what you really want and/or need is important. The "keeping up with the Jonses" mentality always creeps in and my 40% pay cut did require adjustments, but I'm happier, riding more and feel more challenged and fulfilled at work.

Good luck.

[Red Tornado]

Completely understand where you're coming from and why you are considering changes. Been there myself. Sometimes a change is exactly what's needed.
The only thing that gives me pause is the 2nd paragraph of the original post. Those work hours/days make it appear that there won't be much family time, or time with kids, except maybe on weekends. Basically when they're at school you're home & when they're home you're at work; at least M-F. Also, how would your new schedule fit with mom's? Maybe you have something already worked out that I missed.
As a parent with two kids in college and a third going into 12th grade I can tell you they really do grow up fast. Way too fast. Spend as much time with them as you can.
Good luck with your decision. I hope it works out well for all.

[Nooch]

Originally Posted by Red Tornado

Completely understand where you're coming from and why you are considering changes. Been there myself. Sometimes a change is exactly what's needed.
The only thing that gives me pause is the 2nd paragraph of the original post. Those work hours/days make it appear that there won't be much family time, or time with kids, except maybe on weekends. Basically when they're at school you're home & when they're home you're at work; at least M-F. Also, how would your new schedule fit with mom's? Maybe you have something already worked out that I missed.
As a parent with two kids in college and a third going into 12th grade I can tell you they really do grow up fast. Way too fast. Spend as much time with them as you can.
Good luck with your decision. I hope it works out well for all.

As it stands right now, I work 40 hours a week at my primary and about 25j-30 hours a week at my second. We've got a mortgage, student loans, the whole 9 yards. I'm 33, my wife is 30 this year, a teacher in a private school, so none of the good stuff (pension, etc...) So I spend every moment I can with the girls -- i view this as a way of spending more time with them..

[ColonelJLloyd]

At 20 after a few years of CC I went to culinary school then added a finance degree when I saw how the ability to cook well means little to (is the easy part of) a successful restaurant. I did a tax internship 30 hours a week at a small firm and served white tablecloth while getting my finance degree and took the job they offered me after the internship. I continued to moonlight in the industry for a while and got an accounting degree.

After several years of 9-5 in an office and with a 2 year old I started to freak out about not doing something I was passionate about and "living my dream" and not taking a chance, etc. In short, I was in a very, very similar position to what you describe.

At 33 business plans turned to a partnership, investors, a bank loan and an 80 hour work week. I won't go into all the details, but partner relationships and the guilt of not being able to be the father I wanted to be took a serious toll on my mental health. I'm back to being a 9-5 accountant and no longer have an active role in restaurant ownership. This and a few other issues have amounted to 3 years that have likely taken 10 from the end of my life. It didn't end up how I anticipated and the first substantial "failure" in my life hurts pretty good.

FWIW, I knew the pitfalls and the warnings and I understood them. In the end overcoming them was not possible without sacrificing things more important to me. I'll tell you that I could not have predicted the emotional turmoil I endured.

I don't know what I'm trying to tell you. I'm not offering blanket "do it" or "don't do it" advice. I'm saying that I empathize with you very much. If you lived close we'd meet up for a few beers and talk through it. Best of luck, friend. Be sure and take stock and appreciate what you have right now whatever you decide.

[Ken Robb]

Sometimes we find that an activity that was a fun hobby or part-time job loses its appeal when we HAVE to do it to survive financially.

[Ralph]

Originally Posted by cp43

It sounds to me like the problem isn't the work you're doing, but the company you're doing it for. Would you be happy doing what you do now in a better situation? Are there other (software?) companies in your area? Making that move is probably easier and less disruptive than changing careers completely. If you play your cards right, it may also get you a pay increase. Worth considering, IMHO.

Chris

My advice also. Lots of companies might use your skills. Won't know until you look. My son was in IT at a small medical group....making OK but bored. Started looking for a better job....now in IT at a 7000 person hospital group....and sky is the limit for him. Every day a challenge....and he is a serious mtn biker. Got 4 kids also. Get excited and start looking for a better future.