Help. Need ideas for officiating a wedding
 

A good friend will be having her wedding at our place in two weeks and has asked me to officiate. Preemptively, knowing how threads can get derailed, I should repeat "officiate" - not the many fun words that rhyme. Knowing that cyclists are by nature a romantic and sentimental group, I'm asking for truly needed help here.

Please suggest anything romantic, touching, or humorous you've seen at weddings, I really need some cool wedding ideas and/or inspiring love stories.

Thanks in advance.

I'd sit down and talk to them...what we think is touching or romantic they might not. Officiating is different than wedding planning. Are you marrying them, or throwing the party?

Either way, it's their wedding and I would feed off of their clues. Ask them these questions. Ask them to talk about themselves...


A friend quoted Lou Gehrig at his wedding. I thought it was dumb...to each their own...

I will be marrying them and hosting the ceremony at my place. Maybe 50-60 guests. I'll be seeking clues from them as well as relatives and other close friends and I'll certainly include anything they want but they did give me some free rein to surprise them. She's a good friend and I'd sure like to do something nice for them.

I attended an outdoor wedding at a residence last Summer and they rented an air-conditioned mobile port a john unit which was the hit of the party. Not a very romantic suggestion, but neither is a line at your house and a clogged toilet.

http://royalrestrooms.com/portable-r...room-trailers/

Avoid animals and small children - it never works out well. Keep it simple but classy, and if making speeches resist the temptation - as strongly as you can - to make jokes. You will always seem like the uncool dad or uncle.

Your role is likely to provide hosting and assure continuity and some gentle guidance to the event. As the evening progresses it's always good to have someone to provide a sense of propriety.

[at least, at Aussie wedding receptions it usually is].

Best

My son and and daughter-in-law did an outdoor wedding for 50-60 this summer. They did all of the wedding planning and even though 60 people is small, it was a LOT of work.

When you sign up for a church and a reception facility, you have to make a lot of choices, but the fees you pay mean that the venues takes care of a lot of stuff. When you do it yourself, you still make all the same choices plus you need to provide facilities for the caterer, tent and tables, etc. You probably should get those fancy porta-johns. You also need to think about drinks, ice, and designated drivers.

As for officiating, their friends became Internet ministers and did that. The official script for the ceremony was completely written beforehand so there were no regrettable words.

Best of luck to the bride and groom, and may the ceremony not end like this:

http://media-3.web.britannica.com/eb...4-6B967923.jpg

Have a glass of wine before. NOT 2 glasses. NOT 3 glasses. 1 small glass. Maybe with the couple, in private. Or just the groom, if the bride is making a grand entrance. Once you're in front of the guests, the three of you are a team. This is especially important since you're not a pro at this. You'll stumble; it's okay. They'll stumble; it's okay. The three of you are up there TOGETHER creating something special.

That said, always remember: You're not the focal point; the couple is. Anything you do or say in that role is in service to the couple, to their trust in you as their officiant, and to the guests who are there to witness the ceremony.

In terms of some tactics:

Ask them about authors/writing they like, and find quotes that are meaningful to you with respect to your knowledge about their relationship.

Involve other people so all the heat isn't on you; other folks can do readings, sing a song, whatever will add to the connection and personalization of the ceremony.

This will give you a minute to reflect and focus, and it gives others a chance to be a big part of the day. That said, make sure you assign/review what they'll be doing to avoid any awkward pauses or flat performances. They don't have to be perfect; a nephew can do a reading, stumble over words, etc. and still be charming and poignant. But don't let Uncle Louie get up and do his standup routine.

Make sure you're speaking both to the couple, and the gathered guests. Speak loudly, clearly, and SLOWLY; grandma doesn't hear that well anymore, and this is a REALLY important day for her. Find a couple of videos/guides to public speaking if you're not someone who does it all the time, and try to keep a few points in mind: Loud. Clear. Slow. Breathe. Smile.

Don't try to be too funny. Funny is for the rehearsal dinner, and the best man's speech. They're entrusting you with a solemn event, even if it's in an informal setting. That said, it's your home. Don't be afraid to lighten the mood, especially in terms of welcoming guests and breaking the ice at the outset of the ceremony. But there should be a palpable point where it shifts from pleasantries to the more serious matter of the joining. Plan in advance where you want this point to be, so that you're effectively managing the flow & mood. This is what good hosts do.

Channel your inner Julia Child; if the chicken falls on the floor, pick it up, dust it off, and keep cooking.

Oh, and just make sure you don't mess up—they'll remember it for the rest of their lives. No pressure. :banana:

Don't make any social comments/observations about the state of marriage in today's society. Our pastor that officiated at our wedding was the wife's family church pastor and friend and also recently divorced and he went into a commentary about the high divorce rate and how marriage was a "communication war". I resented that for thirty years and did not change my opinion until I saw him again when he officiated at my father-in-law's funeral and did such a great job. I never talked to him about it but would have strangled him if I had gotten him alone after the wedding.

Other than that, have it totally planned and rehearse, rehearse, rehearse. Even if you do a lot of public speaking a wedding is a high stress situation and you want to be prepared. I attended my cousin's wedding recently and one of my classmates that had become a pastor late in life officiated. I am not sure how long he had been a pastor or how many weddings he officiated, but his delivery was not confident and smooth and he stumbled around a lot.

I really liked the sand ceremony that I had at my wedding. Of course, the marriage didn't work out :( But I still like the idea of it and I think the symbolism is touching and genuine. Also, it can provide the couple, and parents of the couple with a way to participate in the ceremony, as well as a tangible memory of the day, as well as the coupling. Just go pick up some glass jars and you can pour some of the sand into smaller containers for the parents, and still leave enough sand in a bigger container for the groom/bride to keep on their mantle.


Other things you may want to consider...

A string quartet for music, or more generally, how you'll provide music.
A cool speech about how a bicycle is like a marriage. (Takes work to make it go forward, is super fun and rewarding, can get a flat tire but you have to fix it and keep going, sometimes you hit a really steep section and it is really hard and you're not sure you'll make it but you keep working and you eventually get to the top and it is all worth it, etc. I'm sure you could come up with a short/touching passage to read.)

I've been to two absolutely memorable weddings (besides my own of course). One was an 80's themed wedding where the party and guests were requested to dress up as a character from an 80s romantic movie. I went as Lloyd (complete with overcoat and boombox) from Say Anything.

The 2nd one had Elvis as the officiator. Both were a blast.

Whatever you decide to do, be sure to mention "the circle". :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmzxR0zfIN0

Texbike

I'd say as long as you are genuine in what you say and don't say anything negative you'll be fine. It's only when people try to be too clever do these things go off the rails.

Have an open bar before the ceremony.

Except for the Alfa....

Don't surprise them. It's their day, you're not entertainment, you stay low profile and out of the way. If you want to read something or share something, check in with them first. Unless you're clergy or have a special status as a (much) older friend or relative with life advice, skip anything like a homily. Prepare a great toast for after the ceremony. My wedding included a tandem bike with panniers and front basket full of flowers for the 2 mile "limo" ride to the reception, but it needed lots of planning including a dress and shoes that the bride could wear on a bike, no small sacrifice on her part. If the ceremony is outside don't forget a sound system, it's often incredibly hard to hear the proceedings outside beyond the first row or two, especially if there's any wind or background noise.